ec·sta·sy /ˈɛkstəsi/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ek-stuh-see]- Lend me your Misery. Let me cry for you.

A step behind

Saturday, 29th, 12, 2007
Sunday, 30th 12, 2007

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Winter seem to strike slow and hard. Smoke from my newly Lit ciggarette, sticks hard on the window pane, blurring the image outside. Rain is pouring heavily, chilly wind's blowing, Most of the trees around are naked, and those who aren't have changed their colours and are still shedding. Gloomy day, I wish I could be outside stepping on those leaves hearing them crackle as I walk around but I won't even dare to take a single step outside of my appartment. I rub the glass with my hand and try to focus myself to a distant highway, just to find very few vehicles passing by. I wish I was like them, know where my destination is, that I have longed for. I sometimes feel like I was not supposed to be here at all.

Anyways, where I am headed to right now, there are going to be pauses for a few couple of days. Going back to school days, Wind and rain was the only thing I cared about when it's about weather. Each day, I would look outside from my classroom window to see if rain's going to pour or not? Pull my hands out to feel the wind blowing, and I could not wait to hop in my cycle and get back to home as fast as possible to let my restrained kite free into the open sky. I would be praying for winds to stay and rain not to pour, on my way back to home,. Now, who would know that, Being able to be free oneself in the open sky would be soo much harder than letting the kite to set free.

Sometimes, I wish I was a Mute, May be then I won't be tired of explaining things to others. Do you think explanations make any differences? What's done is done and it's already gone ah. What other thinks about it, does it really matter? Well I don't know, I have been feeling it does and being oversensitive and really a stupid one I worry how my words or acts are affecting others, "After it has been done", and try to explaing later with excuses, no matter if I really do have one or don't, if I don't have one I make one but then all it matters is to me, It's all about how i feel, guilt or head up, no matter how sincere or lie it was. I don't read other's feeling, do I? I can't change the way they look at me, Could I?

Well it's been quite a while since I haven't posted anything. 5 am, Restless night, We have got connection back in our appartment, explains why am wide awake. Staying in Us for 1 year, 1 month and 9 days to be exact, I am soo addicted to internet. I feel like it's the reason I Look forward for the next day, hoping desperately, to hear from, to meet my friends back home online but only to find myself ended up in a chatroom talking with an anonymous person to kill the time. Just a while, Hang on there, they are going to be online, atleast one of them.

Anyways, today is also the same, I guess.